Playful People

I have decided that I need to go underground for a bit. So no more posts from me until... erm... after Eid I guess.

The idea is I want to get away from everything for a bit and see if I can soften my heart with the remembrance of Allah :)

You'd think it would be easy coz I'm only little but that's where you're wrong! I maybe little but I have a HUUUGGEE heart with lots of room for lots of people so it takes longer to soften up.

Please don't think I'm turning Secular and leaving the dawah and society worships. I still believe that studying, working, dawah, politics are just as much worship as salah, fasting, zakat and Hajj. I know that my beloved Prophet "PBUH" did nothing else but worship Allah but that included being a father, a husband and even a soldier (wow, you wouldn't think it with all this spiritual spiritual stuff going around).

I know all that - but I still want to find my corner and hide in it for a while away from everything and my justification is that my Prophet "PBUH" used to do it too in the last ten days of Ramadhan. So there :P

I think what has happened is that because some people have turned Islam into a ritualistic, individualistic religion where you just worry about perfecting yourself and only that, other people have just gone all out and decided that if you try to seclude yourself from society to better yourself than you're automatically Secular, or Sufi or some other silly label. Well, the difference with my decision is that it's only temporary and it's based on what our Messenger "PBUH" did. Once Ramadhan is over I'll come out of my ibadaa like a beautiful butterfly coming out of a caccoon inshAllah.

It's the only way I can properly repent for some of the stuff I did before I got some sense knocked into me. In case you miss me too much (and also so I don't feel like I've neglected the dawah) you can go read this post:

Enigma Behind the Freshers Stall

It's written by Babs-M who never ceases to amaze me with the clarity of his posts. Something that is usually missing from mine :(

Anyway, it's full of wholesome dawah goodness (erm... it's a bit x-rated as well so only read if you don't get easily offended). I'm not saying this style will work everytime but I truly believe good dawah is always about flexibility - I'm pretty flexible when it comes to Yoga but when it's dawah my tongue gets all twisty twisty.

Hopefully, I've wriggled myself into some of your hearts by now and if I have, all I ask is that you pray for me so I can sort myself out and that Allah helps me in that.

I'm off on my long journey now... Hugs and kisses for all o x o x o x

It makes my blood boil watching my Iraqi brothers and sisters sticking their fingers in little pots of indelible ink and then voting either “YES” or “NO” (that’s the only two options) for the new (enslave Iraq) constitution. It’s just so embarrassing! They’re being treated like naughty little kids who are now being given a book of Do’s and Don’ts and then told to sign it to make them feel involved. It's so insulting!

That’s what my mum used to do. She’d get us all involved in making a “family decision” so that we’d all feel part of the decision but really she had already decided what was going to happen all along. The only difference is that we were like 10 years old!

I guess these Iraqi people don’t really have a choice in anything much these days. Grr… it makes me angry. Does anyone remember the Transformers? There was a kid called Daniel who is given this EXO-SUIT by one of the Autobots. It basically gives Daniel the ability to transform into a car and also has big powerful guns on his arms. That was sooo cool! I was a bit of a boy when I little, ok? Hey, I’ve dealt with it now so :P …no more wishing I was a man – I have overcome all of those issues… ahem, moving swiftly on.

Well, I imagined myself with an EXO-SUIT yesterday but MY one is much more powerful and has ultra-super defences and everything else. Plus it has pictures of all my favourite things on the outside (to give it my personal touch). Oh, yeah and it wears Hijab… HeeHee

Anyway, at the time I was imagining this I was waiting on the platform for a train. It was early morning and the platform was completely empty so I felt fine running around doing all these fantastic moves and imagining that I was finally setting things right in the world with my EXO-SUIT. I had to make all these explosion noises with my mouth to make it more real and then I turned around to see a sweet old man staring at me. He looked oh so confused and genuinely worried about me rather than himself. He just continued staring with his mouth open and head tilted to one side.

So I gave him one of my heart-melting smiles (they’re special ones that I reserve for special occasions) and then quickly sat down on the bench. Well, now I can’t do anything practical for the Muslims sitting on a bench, waiting for a train, so instead I made a little prayer. I prayed that the Iraqi people will very soon inshallah have their own constitution. I prayed that it would be put together by the Iraqi people. I prayed that it would be taken solely from the Quran and Sunnah and so naturally it would be full of justice (the kind of justice that even the sincerest non-Muslims simply can’t comprehend because it can only be appreciated when it is implemented in its entirety. I prayed that this constitution would be a beacon of light for all the oppressed people in the world. I prayed that this constitution would be an example for all the Muslim Governments in the world. I prayed that this constitution would be built upon mercy and compassion instead of brutality and corruption and so it would spread across the world by the will of the people just like the constitution my beloved Prophet "PBUH" wrote spread around the world.

*BIG SIGH*

And lastly I prayed that Allah gives me the chance to one day be a part of all this so that through this constitution I can touch the lives of, quite literally, billions of people. Ameen. Ameen. Ameen.

The last few months have been proper confusing for me. It’s amazing but my likes and dislikes are changing right in front of my face! I mean there’s a difference between liking the idea of something and actually liking it itself. I’ve always liked the idea of praying but I never used to like doing it – but I’m starting to actually look forward to it! Aaaaaagggghhhhh! What’s happening – I’m turning into one of them MOSLEM type people!

But it’s soooo true. If your thinking is right, your feelings will follow. I think I’m in some transitional stage where my feelings are still way behind my thinking. Anyway, one BIG example of that are BOYS. I used to like mashed boys! The more mashed they were, the more I liked them (liked being with them but I never really liked them, I guess).

Anyway, now there’s this bro at Uni who I see in the canteen. He’s always talking to non-Muslims and even Muslims about Islam and I can hear him talking if I sit close enough. He’s really funny too and he’s so good at making the non-Muslims feel relaxed and laugh even at tense moments. Plus he doesn’t shy away from the controversial issues. I’ve heard him discussing about how you can know God exists, he talks about the four marriage thing and the different types of punishments and everything. But he has this way of making it all make sense only if all the Islamic rulings are put in their right context.

He's exactly what Tony Blair would describe as an extremist coz I’ve heard him talking about khilafah too. He was talking about how the khilafah has this amazing system to solve the poverty epidemic all around the world. I can’t remember how he explained it but I remember it made so much sense at the time. He’s like no other guy I’ve met before. He doesn’t look Islamic AT ALL but he sounds so knowledgeable and passionate about it – which makes up for it, I guess. Heehee.

I’m giggling now so I might as well say it – I like him! But I don’t know what to do about it. He’s probably noticed that I’m always sitting on the table near enough to him to hear him talking and it’s so embarrassing but I can’t find anyone else that can explain things like him. I’ve never seen him talking to a girl before. If I spoke to him would he say: “Astagfirullaaaaaaaaaaaah you mashed girl, get out of my face”.

And then he might think I just want to cause FITNA in his life, like the guy who does the speech at Jumma says. He always saying women are FITNA and even though I don’t know what that means exactly, I know from the tone of his voice, it’s definitely not a good thing. Hmm…

Oh well, I remain lonely and confused as ever before.

I feel like I’m caught in a bubble of magic. I always feel like that during Ramadan. It’s so true what my Prophet “PBUH” told me that fasting is like a shield. The entire atmosphere around Muslims has changed – it's not actually just a bubble around me, it's like everyone is caught up in it and is being so sweet and lovely.

*Big sigh*

It’s not going to last though... I heard a girl asking a Muslim brother if he was coming out tonight. I know it’s Friday night and I know what guys and gals get up to on Friday nights (I only started thinking about Islam recently – actually somebody knocked some sense into me and forced me to think and I love them for it) but I know he’s a Muslim so I gave him his 70 excuses and then blamed myself for thinking dodgy dodgy about other Muslims even during Ramadan (disgusting epidemic that's hit mankind).

Then the brother told the girl he can’t do none of that stuff anymore coz he was fasting now. Then he asked her if she would be free in the evening coz he doesn’t have to fast after sunset. My heart sank – I wish I knew him so I could say something – I didn’t even know what to say. I know exactly how he’s feeling as well coz he looked really uncomfortable about the whole affair. That’s how I felt about everything that I did that wasn’t allowed – I enjoyed it at the time but I felt secretly uncomfortable about it.

I don’t want him to go through all these silly dilemmas but he will. I feel like I wouldn’t mind fasting all year if it meant everyone would be such good Muslims all the time...

On a positive note, I have increased my worshipping YEY! – I’ve been reading Qur’an and been praying properly and remembering Allah nearly all the time. Well sort of anyway. What happens is I think of my sore tummy and I start thinking why is it sore? Coz you aint been feeding me, says my tummy. So I think why? So my tummy says coz Allah said NO. So I think about Allah for a bit... I hope that’s ok? It does say in the Qur’an that we fast to increase God-consciousness, rite? Well, that’s the way it works for me so :P

Yeah, that’s my tongue, deal with it :P

Anyway, there’s some other stuff wrong with my head that I need to get off my chest. I don’t just get that magical feeling when I’m praying, I get it when I’m talking about Islam. Like that floaty floaty feeling. I get it when I’m helping people and I get it when I’m nice and I get it nearly all the time – like I’m getting it now. Is that dodgy? Coz I know praying is special and I don’t want to do shirk and get the same feeling I get for praying for everything else coz that would mean praying is no longer special…

Or it could also be a good thing coz I’m doing all those other things for Allah too. So maybe I’m getting reward for having the magic feeling coz it means I’m already a God-conscious person. I like the second option better. My Prophet “PBUH” didn’t pray all day, he did so many other things like fighting, working, getting married and looking after his ummah. So if I do that and get that magical feeling, then it must be a good thing, rite? If I only get it when I pray, doesn’t that make me a secular person? I think it does. You can worship Allah whatever you do as long as you're thinking about how you are doing it for His pleasure. That's why I didn't feel bad putting a post up about dodgy Rulers even though it was Ramadan coz I did it as a worship.

Anyway, Allah is the one that guides people and I hope He “SWT” keeps guiding me. I can’t remember doing anything that would make me special enough for Allah to pick me to guide. I didn’t deserve it at all but now I’m trying to sort myself out every day. I’m so so grateful to Him for making me realise. I've done so much bad stuff all my life and I've never tried to be a good Muslim before. I didn't even ask Allah to help but He did. Why me all of a sudden out of all people? Oh my gosh, I’m crying now. I love Allah so much and I’m just so so grateful for everything and I don't know how to explain it so that everyone could understand :(

Do ruling positions come with a disease which corrupts the heart and destroys the mind? Look at George Bush - I've personally met Americans that are smarter than him. So how is it that he's running the country? It doesn't make sense.

Or anybody see how Musharraf got into power? He wasn't elected - then why is he still there?

And did anybody else notice how Tony Blair's face changed over the years? I'm not talking metaphorical here. His face actually changed from looking quite sweet - to now looking a bit like a demon.

I can't think of one ruler in the world today that I would wholeheartedly give my obedience to. But it can't be a disease because my beloved Prophet "PBUH" became a ruler too. He ruled Medinah right? And he was really just. I'm not expecting a Ruler like the Prophet "PBUH" but at least someone who tries to be like him.

In 1985 a volcano erupted in Columbia and Omayra got stuck in a mudslide. The government knew the volcano was going to erupt but they did nothing. Since then nothing has changed. When the earthquake happened in Iran last year, I heard that a relatively small amount of money could have made the buildings resistance to earthquakes but the Government did nothing even though they knew the earthquake was coming. I hear the same story again and again. Hurricane Katrina is the latest example. I know the hurricane was from Allah but the response was a disgrace.

Allah "SWT" sends down His tests and I truely believe that most of the people are passing the test and ending up in jannah where they belong. I'm just thinking about what these Rulers are going to say when they get asked about what they did. If Allah doesn't help them, they're going to get so mashed.

I wouldn't help them - I hate them for what they've done. If they can't do the job, they should resign and let someone else do it - but they don't. That's why they all stink. This is Omayra three hours before she slowly died stuck in the mudslide in Columbia.

The reason why I put this post up is coz a few minutes ago I was feeling sorry for myself. Today is the first day of Ramadhan and I find fasting really difficult. I've been complaining about it - but now I feel like an idiot. It's going to so embarrasing on judgement day when everyone finds out what a fool I was.

When I looked into Omayra's eyes in the pic, it reminded me of all my brothers and sisters who are starving to death and feeling a hundred times more worse than me. I'm going to stop complaining about not being able eat for a few hours and ask Allah to forgive me for not having sabr. I get distracted so easily and I hate myself for it. I wish I was a robot that just did whatever Allah told me to and I didn't get distracted.

I didn't want to single Omayra out because she's the face of millions of people who have suffered in similar ways. I don't feel sorry for this sister of mine... I feel sorry for those responsible for her death!

I read this post by "the traveller" on http://fromdarknessintolight.blogspot.com and I found I can really relate to it - not really the example but definitely the idea behind it. It's quite long - but definitely worth it in the end...

Well let me see... as a lot of people will be reading this i guess the most honourable thing i should do is share something you guys can benefit from. Well, I used to be Ur standard Paki boy. Brought up with parental restrictions which naturally conflicted with my understanding in life which was to enjoy it while it lasted. That is the understanding that is prevalent in society. Anyway, the result of this conflict was the overly arrogant extrovert. U know the type, the so called 'life of the party', the one driving the (dad's) beemer while others were learning how to drive. The 'joker' that undermines his mates to be no.1 in order to look good in front of the girls. I feel sick just thinking about it. I embraced that 'jay sean' lifestlye at an early stage, cos no way was i gona let my youth fade away without me enjoyin it... well, so i thought. I embraced that cos that was the only one i could fit into, and infact, at that time, the only one i wanted to fit into.

Who can blame me? Im Asian! I have to have some form of identity otherwise im just a face, and i couldn’t be having that. So when i embraced it, i embraced it to the max. But u know what? I never realised it back then in the midst of it all, but i was so depressed and miserable. But i was so blind to see it cos i was too busy running after that buzz, whether it being the cherps, the clubs, the chillage. It's only untill recently that i realised that i was trying to to solve my misery and unhappiness with these means of escapism.

This whole lifestyle, the clubs, the cherps, the southall broadway on Eid, the cars, the arrogance... it defined me as an individual. It gave me my sense of worth, of living, of happiness. only to be disillusioned by the whole buzz of it all. All i had was fun, not happiness. and I'm sure u know the feeling for all those that can relate to what I've been through. That whole build up of the day for the night's events. If something didn't go Ur way during the day, it didnt matter, 'cos Ur goin out tonight'. The whole preparation for when u hit the club. lol. it craks me up thinking about it... mate, Ur soo insecure! Girls; some advise, u know that guy whose got that pimpish persona... some news for u... he's the most insecure... anyway back to the story... so u get there, standing in the que, checking the girls, being really loud so that girl u fancy acknowledges that Ur there etc. u get in and that tune comes on, the one that gets u going. u get into that buzz where all those problems go away and u are at Ur utmost happy. then all of a sudden the thought comes into Ur head... this night is gona end. and u feel so mashed. it ends, u go home, lying in Ur bed thinking about the jokes u had. next morning the club remains a memory, and u anticipate the next time u go out, next time u get that short buzz. u do the same thing again the next week, then the next, then all of a sudden the novelty wears off. now the only thing that gets u goin isnt the club u looked forward to at the end of the week, but the thought of goin to uni, where u can have the taste of freedom, away from parents, where u can literally cane the fun! Newsflash! trust that the novelty will wear out on that too. then what do u do. run after that girl? run after that don car? run after the degree? run after the investment banking job? ur holiday? ur family, ur future, ur aspirations, ur hopes... all for wat? That short burst of pleasure with a lifetime of anguish and misery from running after these things! for Ur desires are what bring u happiness, right? well, u did say that Ur supposed to enjoy this life cos its too short? but say u do all this... run after Ur desires and live for Ur aspirations… what are u actually left with?... nothing! except memories of those pleasures, and the underlying thought that death is gettin closer and closer.

But it's cool tho, u can take all of it to Ur grave, the cars, the money, the girls, the 'buzz'... can u? nah i don't think so. so u tell me, do u think i was happy? or was i simply masquerading myself as a happy-go-lucky type character that was mistaking 'happiness' with that short burst of pleasure u get when u live for Ur desires?... infact don't ask me, ask urself...

How am i now though u ask? i've embraced islam. not the islam that u confine to the mosque, but the true islam that is here to remove those unnecessary problems and satisfies all my instincts. NOT the islam that might make u think that im rigid, or sad, or a loner n thinks it's haraam to have fun!. but the the one that liberates Ur mind n Ur heart. Mate, if i would express tranquillity to u in a word i would use the word ISLAM.

What does the future hold for me tho? I'll finish my Masters, get my job, marry my beautiful wife, drive my CLK, move to Dubai, chill to my death knowing all the time that i couldnt take these temporary pleasures to my grave... but then I'll go to Jannah and experience pleasure incomprehendible to Man's mind, where every second is better than the last (inshallah)... So u tell me, am I living life to the max now, or before? The real club is in Paradise....this life is about havin jokes waiting in the queue :) u should join me...